Sam, Steve,Sho,Joey, Sam, Berto, Me, Lacy
[EXHAUST ALL LAUGHS]
Hi Everyone, my name is Slick Rick!
Hey Ho!
How are you people doing out there? Yeah, make some noise. Wooo!
Everybody go like this! [hand up] [wave hand] Everybody go like this!
Everybody say “Hey_eeyy!!!”
Now say “Hoo_oh!!!!”
Say “Hey ho”
“Hey Ho”
Good job everyone, that was lesson one in my series called “How to get stabbed by a hooker”
Enjoying Fall
So, has everybody been enjoying the fall… of civilization?
Am I glitching
Is this thing on? Remember this? Comedians used to [tap mic] they tap the mic and say “Is this thing on”. Now, thanks to altspace, I can use a new one. Is this thing glitching? Come on people, is my mic glitching here?
Tik Tok Toe
Do any of you use TikTok? Tiktok? Well, I’ve been working on a similar app that is for podiatrists only. It’s called TikTok Toe.
Hulk
The Incredible Hulk walks into a bar. He goes up to a woman and says Hulk… smash?
No assing
We had a wind storm here and my no trespassing sign snapped, so it now just says “No Assing”.
I don’t know what ‘assing’ is, but I left the sign up just to be safe.
Sean Connery
007 – Sean Connery passed away recently at the age of 90. I have to say, seeing all the jokes people are making and the general lack of empathy has left me shaken, but not stirred.
Alex Trebek
In ‘Other Sad News for 1000 please’, Alex Trebek passed away this month.
The venerable Mr. Trebek was almost denied entry into heaven when he didn’t answer St. Peter in the form of a question.
David Blaine
Magician David Blaine did a stunt called Ascension where he [hand fist] hung on to a bunch of helium filled balloons and [raise fist] floated 25000 up feet into the air. Sounds scary, but then again, a lot of single people have had their entire lives hanging on the line with just a small amount of latex for protection.
GF Lambo
My girlfriend is like a Lamborghini…. I don’t have a Lamborghini.
Also, my wife is opposed to me having either one of them.
Lap Dance
If you’ve been in altspace for a while, this has probably happen to you. When someone else doesn’t look around and they just park their ass whereever. You know, they just sort sit right on top of you, like you don’t even exist.
I used to get annoyed. but now I think … Oh boy, free Lap dance. This used to cost $20 and some of my dignity, but not anymore! Thanks VR!
Bald Asshole
It’s not all free lap dances here. The other day, I was checking out a mostly empty world, minding my own business, muted the whole time, flipping through menu about to leave, and I hear a woman’s voice say “Nice fucking soul patch, you bald asshole!”
I sat there stunned for a few moments, then I said “_Bald_ Asshole? Well if you prefer hairy assholes… I can certainly oblige you!
To her credit, this woman was half right, I am bald. Any maybe she was 100% right, maybe Im an asshole – [finger up] but I resent the assumption… at least give me a chance to open my mouth and prove it.
It’s not so bad losing my hair as a comic – being bald makes it easier to come up with jokes right off the top of my head.
Although I don’t think the phrase “losing my hair” is a fair assessment, at least not for me. I am may be bald, but I still have all my hair. The difference now is that it has migrated to other places on my body. [gesture from head down to body]
[finger up] Listen, it took about 4 billion years of evolution to get to this amazing specimen you see before you today [highlight self with hands].
So, who are we to question my body when it says “Hey, don’t waste any more precious resources up here”[circle around head] Instead lets focus all of our hair making efforts on the back and the ass areas with an extra layer of fur,[tap shoulder and ass] because that’s sure to help get the ladies, right? That’s a much better evolutionary strategy to help perpetuate these incredible genes. No? No one?
Whats going on people, is thing glitching? Am I glitching?
Thanks everyone, Im Slick Rick. you have all been a great crowd, keep it going for our host